Oh, I’m writing so much nonsense.

Dette er noget værre bras.

Så mycket struntprat när jag borde söka jobb!

Vaya tonterías estoy escribiendo.

Sunday was lovely. Windy. I got more help from the elderly couple – it makes me feel awkward, having asked them to help me, but they are so used to moving furniture that they’ve got the proper techiques to do it without using too much force. I don't even know them from before and they wanted to help me doing this. Impressive.
Adam, a son, came along, and a granddaughter. At the flat, my flatmate Jonas and a friendly, tall neighbour called Stefan also helped to bring my grandparents’ old huge cupboard into my not so very big room. So now I’ve got all these things crammed in at the place where I live. This has never happened before. At the age of 20 I moved to Spain and many of my things stayed behind, at my mother’s place, and at my father’s place. Then, I moved from Barcelona to Stockholm but left most of my things behind, and collected new ones (or was lucky enough to get to use other people’s furniture and household equipment). When I moved from Stockholm to the countryside in Småland, again I left most of my things behind, giving them away, and sent some stuff to occupy my mother’s basement storage space – pushing the limits of her good will. When, later, I moved from Småland, I actually had no place to live and landed at my mother’s flat, with my belongings from Småland. She helped me to move along the lines of my yoga-focused ant-filled pants, bringing me to travel far and wide. Since my mother died a couple of years ago, I’ve been having to mange my things and my housing needs in Sweden without her help. Wich has been a challenge, since apart from having a big sofa in her flat and space in her basement for me and my stuff, she was the person who most of all, also emotionally, tied me to this country.

Anyway – yesterday was a windy day when I could finally leave my rented storage room empty and enjoy the presence of a huge old cupboard in my living space. Octavio Paz did not come, but other people did. I did not go out to buy and eat a semla, although the thought crossed my mind. I did try to listen to Swedish poet Tomas Tranströmer on a CD that I borrowed from the library. The CD didn’t get going. Several people have mentioned Tomas Tranströmer to me these last months, and since I like to listen to the voice of a writer, pronouncing the sounds of the words that compose the poem, story or text, I was looking forward to listening to this man reading his poetry aloud.

One of my favourite writers Julio Cortázar, and Octavio Paz, can be heard reading texts aloud on the internet – that’s lovely. I’ll look for online readings of others, too.

So many thoughts going through my mind during this process of landing in Malmö, the town where I grew up, but hadn’t lived in for almost 20 years. It sweeps me off my feet. Completely. One thing I like about it is this: I love to speak my native language in my own accent without anyone asking me where I’m from. And I like the sound of others, speaking the way people do in Southern Sweden.

Conclusion: my physical belongings – including inherited ones – are in one place. The old family dramas that I have been aware of are resolved as far as I know – or can be concerned with at the moment. I have no family, no profession, no proper and valid job that creates an income and a social structure. (Please – if anyone actually reads this and is of a different opinion I would be glad to find out.) I’ll have to spend some time sitting at the computer beside my cupboard now, doing serious work, searching, thinking, invoking life. (Hrm – invoking life – alone, at the computer? I was trying to get away from that, but find myselt thrown back into the reality of the Internet.)